Four years ago, I went back to research five months after my first baby was born. Some weeks I didn’t know which version of myself I was supposed to be — the scientist running fieldwork logistics, or the mum who’d just relearned what a full night’s sleep felt like. I went looking for a resource that told me honestly how other women in science were making this work, and didn’t find much, although thankfully our University offered 5 free career-life coaching sessions which helped! To share what I’ve learnt over the last 4 years I’ve started building this blog.

So ten things — some small, some structural — that genuinely make me love the combination of being a scientist and a mum, now four and a half years and one more baby into figuring it out.

1. The gift of sleep

A toddler who sleeps through the night helps enormously, but the bigger shift was mine to make: choosing not to work late into the evening, so I protect my own wind-down too. No amount of time-blocking or productivity system works if I’m running on empty — sleep is the input everything else depends on.

2. Time-blocking, not free-styling

I block my work, my personal time, my family time, and time for planning — all separately, all on purpose. The alternative is deciding what comes next all day on the fly, which sounds flexible but is exhausting in practice. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s often simply because you are, and a plan is usually the fastest way out.

3. Thirty focused minutes, every day

On weekdays, I give my pre-schooler thirty minutes of genuinely undivided attention — no phone, no half-listening. I ask what they want to do and watch their face light up. It’s small, but it does more for both of us than a distracted whole evening would.

4. A team that questions the “ideal employee”

My group and my PI actively support my family: no calls during pickup, no jokes about kid interruptions, open conversation about their own personal development. Above all, they question the old model of the “ideal employee” — the one who’s always available. Good work in less time is worth more than hours logged every night and weekend, and having that said out loud by leadership changes the environment and allows us to discuss what is our best version of ourselves.

5. Chipping away at my own growth

Reading, learning French, crossfit training — even in small pockets 10-20 minutes a day. Learning gives me a sense of purpose that belongs entirely to me, and protecting a little space for it keeps me whole rather than split between two roles.

6. Freeing myself from the academic flexibility prison

I spent my undergraduate years, my Master’s, PhD and most of my first postdoc working almost all the time, because academia rarely tells you when to stop and its also fulfilling. Since having kids flexibility to fit around daycare pickups and health appointments is a genuine gift — but it doesn’t mean I owe every evening and weekend back in exchange. The working week was built around the idea that someone always has more time to give. As a mother, I don’t, family, my relationship, friendships all bring enrichment to my life, and which my career cannot survive without.

7. Weekend tag-team

Saturdays and Sundays are often split: half a day of childcare each, so both my husband and I get real, protected time for our own projects, and the rest is family time together. It took us a while to actually stick to this instead of letting the weekend dissolve into whoever asked first and its now a bit of re-learning with a 2nd baby in the mix, but its something we’ve enjoyed.

8. Perfection is the enemy of the good

For most of my career, I let tasks expand to fill whatever time was available — the seemingly infinite time of an academic schedule. Setting a timer, working in focused chunks, and deliberately stopping at “good” instead of chasing “perfect” has been one of the most freeing changes I’ve made. I get better work done, I feel less overwhelmed, and I’m far better now at estimating how long something will actually take.

9. Reset rituals

I pick up a different hat for each part of the day: wake-up focus, post-drop-off focus, the shift into “mum mode” before pickup. Naming the transition — just to myself and now you— helps me give myself space and a moment to relax, instead of racing from one to another, and not giving myself the space to step between roles, with enrichment and positivity rather than a burden on my shoulders.

10. Device focus mode, always

Every notification is silenced except direct phone calls, so daycare and my partner can always reach me. Nothing else gets to interrupt. It’s a small setting or app in the case of Freedom with an outsized effect on how present I can actually be, in either role. Essential people know they can contact me by calling outside of WhatsApp, but most don’t!

Bonus 11. Date nights, at home or out

Since our second child, my partner and I have set up a date night every week, and we’ve just shifted to twice a week. Initially it felt like a hurdle: finding a babysitter, and setting a budget that might take away from other goals. But the truth is, I’m with my partner because we love spending time together — we’re best friends — so this really is the way. It’s two hours after the kids are asleep: sometimes we just go for a walk, sometimes it’s an activity or trying something new together. We laugh, we relax, and we keep the logistics chat to a minimum. It’s awesome.

Where this goes next?

Being a working mum and a scientist has taken me to some genuinely low depths — there were weeks in that first year back where I sat my husband down and said this has to change I cannot go on like this. Four years in, I’ve found solid ground again and many more regular checkins together as dual-career parents. I want to build something here with the people navigating the same thing: a community that redefines what “working mum” and “scientist” can look like, without chasing the idea of an employee and invisible household management.

Which of these would you try first? And what’s working for you that I haven’t mentioned? I’d love to hear it — leave a comment below.